Shit I Don't Need to Be Hassled About
Yes, I got the memo. Smoking is bad. I know that. If I thought my cigarette habit was a good thing, I would have bought my daughter a Fisher-Price "My First Corncob PipeTM" and taught her how to blow the smoke up your ass.
Smoking is my coping mechanism. I'm weak. I'm human. So suck it.
No, I will not stop kissing you, even though I just put on gooey, glittery, passionfruit-flavored lip gloss. If you can't deal with it, then get your own lip gloss and teach me a lesson.
Yep, my kid eats this, and I am totally okay with it. You know why: "More than three-quarters of preschool kids do not get enough fiber in their diets. Dora the Explorer cereal offers a good source of fiber (3g per serving), calcium and whole grain (at least 8g per serving) and contains 6 grams of sugar per serving."
6 grams? That's less sugar than what gets pumped into her when we put Dr. Pepper in her beer bong.
Message from Daughter to the people about Dora cereal: "I always eat Dora cereal and it looks like stars. And I want to say that I always love to eat cereal. And I love my mommy, okay?"
Alright, I get it! I can't sing. But guess what, I'm gonna sing anyways. And everytime you joke and tease about my tin ear and what I can't carry in a bucket, I'm gonna sing louder to drown you out.
Let me get this straight: You, Mr. "I Own the I-526 Merge", chose the lane on the freeway that my lane is merging into. My lane has significantly less traffic than yours, and therefore I was able to pass 34 cars because evidently waiting in a line for no reason is the proper thing to do in South Carolina.
When it is my turn to merge left and pass your Ford F-150, because the only other choice I have will put my car in a ditch full of pluff mud and Mello-Yello cans, you are going to scream obscenities at me and try to run me off the road because I didn't feel the need to sit in your lane for 30 minutes in the name of good Southern manners?
Riiiiiight. Fuck yourself and your tattered Confederate flag bumper sticker.
In next week's episode: I love to eat my boogers, kiss my ass.
Labels: rant
3 Comments:
Wow, have you been reading my mind lately? LOL Aside from the Dora cereal and not being able to sing, I've bitched about those same things recently! Only, instead of a Ford F150, it was this teeny little convertible against my big ole van. I know I woulda won. But I'm too paranoid in that beast. LOL
Wow, have you been reading my mind lately? LOL
Aside from the Dora cereal and not being able to sing, I've bitched about those same things recently! Only, instead of a Ford F150, it was this teeny little convertible against my big ole van. I know I woulda won. But I'm too paranoid in that beast. LOL
It's good to see you posting again.
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