It's a mad house. A mad house!

Tonight, I had an epiphany. As far as epiphanies go, it is well below E=mc², but slightly above this.

I was in the kitchen preparing my nightly bowl of vanilla ice cream with hot fudge. I had already placed the jar of hot fudge in the microwave to heat. While I was scooping the ice cream out of the cardboard box, Hailie jumped up on the kitchen counter. She began pacing in front of the sink and meowing. To remind her that she isn't allowed to be on my counters, I swatted at her with my spoon and she gracefully leaped to the floor. I continued to furiously scrape the last few molecules of ice cream from the package and Hailie again jumped up on the counter and walked in front of the sink.

I decided to ignore her for the time-being, as the microwave beeped three times to announce that the hot fudge was now heated. I poured the fudge on the ice cream just as Hailie meowed loudly and startled me. My hand jerked and I spilled a large amount of fudge on my counter. I silently pondered the wisdom of keeping a cat that just caused me to waste a whole ounce of warm gooey chocolate. This wasn't the epiphany.

I yanked some paper towels off the roll and impatiently flicked them in Hailie's direction. I cleaned up the mess that the cat made and grabbed my bowl. I bounced onto the living room couch and took my first bite of ice cream.

"Mrrrawwwwow!"

I looked up from my spoon and saw my tabby sniffing at a glass of water sitting on the coffee table.

Cue the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and switch on a couple dozen light bulbs.

I grabbed the glass of water and took it to the sink and filled it up. I then poured the liquid into Hailie's empty water bowl as her furry form dashed between my legs for her first sip. She then looked at me with a glare that clearly said, "Damn woman, if only I had opposable thumbs, I would have drawn you a picture!"

And the epiphany of the story is: if Hailie had opposable thumbs, she would be my owner.